


I Will Dream of You

by ellanellan



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Dragon Age: Inquisition Spoilers, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-26
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-03-25 19:00:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3821329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellanellan/pseuds/ellanellan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lavellan has been falling apart due to Solas' disappearance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will Dream of You

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to write this in an attempt to make myself feel a bit better, didn't work. xD

Things had seemed mostly normal at Skyhold, but she could feel all the eyes on her back when she passed by. They didn’t look at her as they did before, hopeful for her future accomplishments. They could since the sorrow on her, and they all wanted to watch as Ellana began to pull at the seems of her wavering composure. The Inquisitor and every drop of strength she had was gone, and all that was left was a broken girl. He told her she was free when he took away her vallaslin, what a joke. She wasn’t free, she was a slave to her longing for him. Solas..

Ellana trudged timidly down the open halls of her throne room. It was late at night, so she was the only one there, a relief to her. The fires were still lit, crackling wildly and echoing through the silence . Moonlight shone through stained glass windows at the end of the hall, casting an eerily long shadow of her throne across the floor. She stood there in the shadow of her burdens, the shadows wavering with the lively flicks of flame around her. She tried to remember a time when she felt that alive and warm, and the images of Solas sent her falling to her knees. She stayed there, the sting of tears threatening to break free.

‘No’ she thought. ‘not again..’

Her thoughts were too much, too vivid. She closed her eyes, and he was there with her. His warmth embraced her, and she could feel his heart beating in tune with hers. She could feel his skin against her lips when she held him close. Her lungs where filled with his sent, it was the smell she loves from after it rains, the one that reminds her of home. He was so close, but nowhere..

The tears began to tear their way down her face; pitter pattering on the floor, echoing with every drop.

She rose back up, legs trembling, her breaths shallow and erratic as she fought the urge to visit his familiar study. It was a bad habit that had only brought more pain and confusion. She would stare at the murals he left for hours, and rummage through all of his studies and notes. She would go mad searching for any clue as to why ,or where he went . The most she found was his journal, which described in great detail the Inquisition’s accomplishments. She kept the journal under her pillow, and would pull it out at night. Solas had described her with such admiration and praise, reading his entries only mad her hurt more. She knew how much he cared for her, so how could he leave her like this. With nothing, no goodbyes, no secret notes just for her to explain to her why he couldn’t stay, no nothing.

After a moment she willed her legs to move, and she made it up the many steps to her room. She opened the door not looking up, and made her way in silently, closing the door just the same. Her mind came back to reality when she heard the muffled sound of a book closing across the room.

 

“Ellana…” Her name was a whisper in the moonlit air.

She forgot how to speak, to blink, even to breath. All she could do was stare at him wide eyed. He was more beautiful than she remembered, standing there at her bookshelf, a tired look in his eyes, the air around him glittering and illuminated. Her lungs were screaming, but she couldn’t move. 

“I’ll leave if you ask.” His words were soft and sure.

“No!” Ellana managed to gasp, taking her first breath since she saw him.

“Don’t, not again..” she glided into a whisper.

She was trembling, and Solas could tell even from across the room. He made his way to her; quickly and silently, reaching a hand to her cheek to wipe her tears away. His touch was warm like she remembered.

“I never meant for this, I never meant for any of this… Lavellan I.. ir abelas ma vhenan”

“Soles..” She could see the pain in his eyes when he looked at her.

“You can’t apologize to me if you can’t stay with me, it will only make it hurt more..” She said raising a hand to glide along the angles of his face. The feeling of finally being able to reach out and touch him sent a surge of electricity up her arm. He pressed his face deeper into her palm, holding a hand over hers.

“But you won’t stay, will you?” She spoke more sternly.

He only looked down silently.

“Solas, why won’t you just let me in? I have always been her for you, can you not trust me?”

“It isn’t that –“

“Then what?” She interrupted, growing frantic, and pulling her hand away.

He just sighed. His words were right there, just behind his lips, begging and clawing to be free. But he was scared. He was always scared. And how could he not be? This facade; this wall, had been up for far too long and every moment he didn’t tell her he knew would make it worse. But this was the last time he would do this to her. He was done beating around the truth and hurting her this way. Even if telling her everything would make her hate him, at least that way maybe she wouldn’t be so heartbroken over him.

He took one last look into her questioning eyes and willed himself to speak the truth. The thought of her inevitable reaction broke his strong composure, and he began to huff. He crushed his palms into his temples and started to pace side to side in front of her, thinking of where to start.

“I have to tell you..everything.”

“Everything? Solas?, please.., calm down, you’re scaring me..”

“I don’t know where to start.” He said beginning to bite his inner lip as he continued to pace.

“Try from the beginning? Solas..what is it? What’s wrong?”

“Haha! The beginning!” He said exasperated throwing his hands up. She had never seen him like this, he was always so controlled, even his anger was carefully calculated. She tried to catch his shoulders to stop him from pacing, but he just pushed her hands away and continued. After a moment he stopped abruptly, facing the wall so she couldn’t look him in the eye.

“I’ve been lying to you this whole time..” He said with a sigh. Ellana stayed silent, waiting for him to continue.

“I’m not and elven apostate. I’m… I’m from Arlathan..” For a moment it was silent.

“But how?… That’s impossible.., what are you saying..?

”Remember when I told you of ancient elves and their magics? I said-“

“You said they once could live forever..” She murmured raising a hand to her forehead trying to take in everything.

“Yes..”

“So you know what really happened to Arlathan?”

“I do-“

“So that’s why you recognized the orb as elven..” She said beginning to pace much in the way Solas had been earlier. He turned to her and watched her think everything through.

“And that’s why you can since all of those elven artifacts, when I cant..

And that’s why you know so much about ancient history..you lived it..

And that’s why you know so much of the fade..you had all of this time..

I knew you seemed like no one else I had ever met, so much more thoughtful..a point of view no one else could ever grasp-”

“No one but you” he managed to say, but she paid no mind to his statement.

“And that’s why you’re so against the Dalish!” She shouted, continuing on in her revelation.

“Because we’re what your people became when you’re people fell, and we’re wrong, we are so wrong..about everything it seems…oh Solas… “ She stopped pacing finally, staring at the floor, and then turning to look at him.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“Because that isn’t all..But I’m surprised you’re taking this so well.. I guess I should be used to that by now..”

Ellana walked to him, looking up into his eyes, the eyes of an old soul. ‘how did I not know..’ she thought. She reached her arms around him and felt him stiffen as she lay her head on his shoulder. He reluctantly wrapped his arms loosely around her thin waist.

“Lavellan..don’t, not yet, not until you hear the whole story.” He said, gently pulling her away from him.

He looked down into her eyes, always inquisitive. All her tears were dry now, but he could still see the stains they left on her face. He left on her face.. and he felt he knew, that when he finished, there would only be more.

“Solas is not my real name, though it suites how I was in my youth, pride. I chose it to be a reminder of all of my past mistakes. Those mistakes have weighed on me all of this time; guided my every decision, that is, until I met you.” He paused with a sigh.

“And that is why I have repeatedly pulled away from you, ma vhenan… I have been on a journey since I awoke here.. a journey to fix my past mistakes, to write the wrongs of this world that I have caused.”

“How could something you did have been as impacting as you say..? Solas..I don’t understand, wrongs of this world you caused?”

“When I was young..in Arlathan, I saw the corruption my equals had succumbed to. They grew too powerful, thinking themselves gods.. They became tyrants, oppressing and enslaving the very elves that looked up to them. I thought I could stop it, make everything better for our people..” He had that fare away look in his eyes, but Ellana didn’t interrupt with the growing multitude of questions spinning in her head.

“My intentions may have been rightful, but I had such arrogance then. I continued to act as their equals, all the while planning to overthrow them to free the people, but it didn’t happen as I hopped..its all my fault.. Lavellan, I am sorry.. this world is wrong because of me, I freed the people just before Tevinter invaded.. they had no chance, they’re all gone..Arlathan fell because of my mistake..your people suffered because of me.. “ He paused. “My true name is-“

“The Dread Wolf” Ellana whispered shocked, raking her fingers through her hair, and turning away from him. She needed air. She ran to her balcony, feeling something fowl turn in her stomach. She began to breath heavily, feeling light headed. She felt like everything she had ever know was a lie, and she was screaming inside. She broke the skin before she realized how hard she had been digging her nails into her palms.

‘ Of all the dashing elves out there, I had to fall for the bloody Dread Wolf!’ she thought

‘Catch the Dread Wolf by the ears? Pshh, he’s got me by the throat!’

Her head was spinning, and she was starting to feel dizzy. In a woosh she felt herself falling to the floor, but just before she hit the ground she felt Solas’ familiar arms catch her.

“Ellana, I’m so sorry, I should go..”

“Don’t you dare!” She shouted, pulling herself out of her daze.

He looked at her questioningly.

“I swear to the gods!..or..whatever! if you leave me again I’m putting a collar and leash on you!”

“A…what?..you want me to stay?, you aren’t angry?” he frowned down at her

“I’m furious!! What!? Did you think me so close minded? Did you think I would reject your words for the Dalish tales I grew up on? I’ve Known you Solas.. all you care about is the well being of others..I would never think you could be evil, how could you not trust me?” She said pulling herself up off the ground.

“I’ve respected your wisdom and thoughts over all else, you have been my greatest adviser, how could yo-“

She was interrupted abruptly by Solas’s kiss, and any anger she felt before was gone. He snaked his warm arms around her as he leaned her against the edge of the balcony. His lips gentile ,and sure. She melted into his arms as he picked her up effortlessly and carried her into her room, setting her down at the edge of her bed. She began to slide her hands across his muscular chest, and around his neck, pulling him closer, and forgetting all else. Ellana gasped into the kiss as Solas leaned her back against the mattress and crawled skillfully over her. He began to plant sweet kissed along her jaw line, and down her neck, making her breath hitch. Ellana ghosted a hand along his left ear, holding on lightly when she reached the tip, thinking of the same old saying she thought of earlier.

“Gotcha” She cooed. She could feel him grin against her neck just as he began to suck and nibble at a spot, causing her to moan softly. She held him tight, suddenly feeling the need to keep him from leaving again.

“Solas..?”

“Hmm.?” He hummed against her skin, trailing his lips along her collar bones.

“Will you not stay?”

“shhh ma vhenan..” He said before landing another sweet and passionate kiss against her lips, making her forget her worries.

Just then she heard a knock at her door, sending her shooting up from her bed, blinded by the morning light. ‘Another dream’ she thought pensively. How could this have been just another dream..he was there, I could feel him..’ She Rolled out of bed, hearing something clop as it hit the floor. She looked down. ‘Solas’ journal?’ it had fallen open, resting on its pages. Ellana picked the book up drowsily when she noticed something different. A feather stuck holding a page. ‘That’s new.’ She quickly flipped to the marked page, waiting for her eyes to adjust. Her heart jumped, it was new. It read.

‘Ellana, ma vhenan

I am sorry I could not meet you in person. I am fare away now, but I needed to see you. And I knew it would be easier to tell you the truth in the fade, I have always felt more comfortable there as you know. I want you to know that no matter what happens next, that you will always be in my heart, and I hope that I will remain in yours. You are the most amazing creature I have ever known. You are Beautiful, graceful, and wise, you inspire me to be a better man. But my path is dangerous. I know you will be angry with me for not allowing you to come with me. But this is my burden to carry, and I will not allow you to perish like many others who have followed me. You are too perfect, and this world needs you. You have a thoughtful and loving soul, and I know you can work to make this world the way it should be. I have left you my oldest and most dear belonging to remember me by if I do not return. This shall all be over soon. If I succeed the world will be very different from the one you know, but I hope to see and shape it with you.

ar lath ma vhenan. I will dream of you.

Her tears where soaking the page, she had to turn away before she ruined the last thing of his she had. As she cradled herself she felt something unfamiliar hanging around her neck. She looked down to see what it was. The jaw bone he had always wore, a wolfs jaw, it had made more since now. This was it. This could be the last time would ever see him, but knowing still gave some closure. She knew he loved her, and that she would always love him. No matter what. ‘And if he were to die…’She couldn’t bare the thought.

She remembers the knock at the door when it is repeated.

“Inquisitor? Are you in there? We have news of Solas.” Cassandra spoke urgently, sending Ellana flying to the door. If he was out there still, she was coming, whether he liked it or not.

~~~~~~~~


End file.
